#9: Make Sex a Priority

Newly committed couples find out very quickly that the romance doesn’t last forever---at least not in that same form. Sex takes on different functions in the relationship over time. For example, couples who just couldn’t get enough of each other now have more time to explore and enjoy lovemaking, for couples hoping to get pregnant it becomes a mission to conceive, etc. Like everything else that we dive into with all of our passion and energy, we eventually burnout and need a break. This is the point where couples will need to be patient and communicate often about their thoughts and emotions. It can be a confusing time because it can easily be construed as falling out of love, when in reality it is not.

Of course each couple will have their unique circumstances but for the most part, making sex a priority has many benefits: it is safe (assuming it is monogamous), it helps couples connect at a deeper level, it generally gets better over time—with same partner and with age, and it is an expression of love and acceptance, in addition to other general health benefits of sex.

Some people have a fear of the “letting yourself go” phenomenon once you are happily committed. In most cases, it is no longer all about physical attraction. Sexy becomes things like doing your part to make the household run smoothly such as washing the dishes without being asked or reminded, saying the right things to help the other regain confidence, making a special wish come true, taking the kids to the park so the other can take a much-needed break, and so on. The little things that make a person feel loved and accepted become the new turn-on.

Common things that can become obstacles to making sex a priority in a committed relationship include stress, kids, fatigue, and emotional distress. One way that experts suggest having great sex in spite of the obstacles is to clear your head and allow yourself to be present when lovemaking. This way you can ensure that sex is enjoyable and all of its benefits are realized. Here’s my motto, "if you’re going do it anyway, you better make sure it is great!"