Why would anyone direct harsh or derogatory remarks to the one they love? Two reasons: either they don’t have an expansive vocabulary or they don’t know what else to do.
Here’s a true personal story: disagreements in the first
years of my marriage were sometimes fierce. However, I am not one to back down
from any opportunity to express myself. During those times, things would
sometimes get heated and loud and we would find ourselves in a place where we
were trying our hardest to say hurtful things --- more hurtful than what the
other person had said before. Very quickly we found ourselves going down a dark
path and I dreaded quarrels but braced myself for one whenever necessary. Finally,
we initiated a series of talks about our fights and what I discovered was very
interesting and eye-opening. I learned that most of the words and phrases my
husband (whose native language is French) used were simply those he had learned
from guy friends he lived with when he first came to the country. He had
learned that those were the things you said to curse someone out and hurt their
feelings. He didn’t quite understand what impact it had on me or the damage it
could potentially have on our relationship. Basically, the words didn’t mean
much to him but was devastating to me. Today, when we quarrel, we focus on
getting to the root cause of the issue and not merely aiming to hurt the other’s
feelings as much as possible.
The words you use to address each other impact your
relationship in a big way. Negative words and attitudes hurt the relationship
and can potentially tarnish your love and trust for one another and eventually pull
you apart.
If the tone of your relationship is negative,
take some time to talk about it and find out why it’s happening in the first
place, then make a commitment to turn the page.
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