#1: Know What You Want - Make a list

You know what they say: if you don’t know what it is you’re looking for, you will end up with “whatever”—and that is not a good thing. So take some time to think it through, get a pen and paper and start making a list. What do you want in a partner? I know it sounds cheesy but it really works.

Early on I learned about the power of lists but I did not become a believer until years later. In fact, I was somewhat forced to do it because I was at a point where I was finally serious about getting my relationship right.

As a single parent, I took a good, hard look at my past relationships and decided that I needed to make some big changes. I didn’t want to go through a laundry list of suitors and have my child get pulled in and out of my relationships, so I gave the list thing a try. I made a list of the qualities that my dream guy should have. Once I had my list where I thought it was realistic without taking away too much of what I had always dreamed of, I made a commitment to consciously keep those things in mind when I began meeting guys. It worked! I got the guy, most of the things on my list and a lot more that I wasn’t even considering. Oh sure, I had to settle for a couple of things on the list, but they were things that I felt I could live with.

Getting the guy did not stop my list-making activities. Throughout our relationship and marriage, I continue to make list of things that I want and don’t want to live with. Now, however, I share that list with him and we negotiate the items and work on them together.

Making a list of what you want is a surefire way of ensuring you will get what you want and not stray too far from the “big picture” of your dream relationship.

P.S. Make sure to get to the bottom of your list items by asking the question “why?” Figure out why those items are so important to you—it makes it that much more powerful, plus, it fuels motivation.